A Pirate walks into a pub, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with gold doubloons.  He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in gold. He approaches the barkeep and asks, "What's with the gold in the jar?" 

"Well..., ye pay a gold doubloon, and if ye pass three tests, ye get all the gold in the jar and become Captain of ye own ship." 

The Pirate certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks,  "What are the three tests mate?" 

"You gotta pay first,"  says the barkeep, "those are the rules." 

So, after thinking it over a while, the Pirate gives the barkeep a gold doubloon which he drops into the jar. 

"Okay," says the barkeep, "here's what ye need to do:  

First -  Ye have to drink a whole jug of un-cut rum, in 60 seconds or less,  and you can't make a face whilst doing it." 



"Second - Thar be a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth.  Ye have to remove that tooth with ye bare hands." 


"Third - There's a 90-year old Wench upstairs who's never had sex.  Ye have to take care of that problem." 



The Pirate is stunned!  "Me know me paid me gold piece  -- but me not an idiot!  Me won't do it!  Me have to be nuts to drink down a jug of un-cut rum and then do all those other  things!" 

"It be ye call," says the  barkeep, "but, ye gold stays where it is." 

As time goes on, the Pirate has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn rum?!" 

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream from his one good eye -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds! 
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the villagers inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence! 

Just when they think that the Pirate surely must have met his death, he staggers back into the bar.  His clothes are ripped to shreds and  he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.   He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old Wench with the bad  tooth?"