Arrrgh god damn it! Me had t' take the good Admiral Hardy and the honorable
Lt. Captain down to me favorite waterin' hole of Margaritaville t' share in
libations and storytellin'. It's what Pirates do best.
Capt. Hoods Mystery Tunnel is located in the alley behind the Red
Rooster Pub just before you walk out onto Pier 9. It was by accident me stumbled across this one evening. I have spoken
with Capt. Hood as to what this mystery tunnel is all about and he replied.
To all that Enter here, Tread lightly,For this is Me place of Memories,Me secret Place of Desire.A place of Solitude.This is the Place that
I Went to when Miss Potter left me for that Little disease ridden Midget from the Circus. And when I catch that little Puke,
I’ll Strangle him with me One Good Arm. This the place of Beauty and Tranquility.This is the place where I store me Gold and Secret thoughts.Me advice to ye is “Don’t
touch. Just look and Let the Positive feelings Wash over ye. And listen to the music of Heaven”.
Aaarrrggghhhh….
Ahoy mateys! Whoo-Doggies, well we just got back from a much invigorating voyage to the land way south known only as
Brazil. What a great country! The weather was great! The beaches were great! And the beaches were everywhere. Made you feel like
a toothless diabetic in a candy store. And the Lama Ranch wasn't too fair away. Probably 1500 nautical miles.Here's a few pics of the Lt/Captain and me hob-knobing
with the locals. Hey they even asked us to help in a Team Brazil soccer match which we did. Here's a picture to prove it. AAAARRRGGHHH!!! We even won god damn it! And here's a picture me relaxing on the beach of Nookie-Nookie where there is mucho Nookie :) Here I strike a pose. I'm
trying hard to smile because I have a bad case of Montezuma's revenge. "I knew I shouldn't have gone for the
frozen Margaritas!" We
pirates have a huge PR problem, so we thought it would be good for all involved, except the god damn French pirates, Somali
pirates (fucking beginners) French dwarfs and liberal types, to visit an orphange. These poor tikes live in poverty and you
can tell by this picture,
that they could could sure use a month
of well produced protein. Even though they live in tough conditions, much like us pirates at sea, they had enough energy to
get together to form a human christmas tree, the symbol of Hope, Happiness and as Cochrane says, Horniness. Just look at that! What talent! On
our last night staying at the Plaza De Puto Hotel, the good Lt/Captain and my own bad self, were asked to perform at
the world famous Red Anus Inn, named after the famous freedom fighter Rafael "Red" Anus. We decided to perform our
much requested song "Don't Drop The Soap". All sailors and pirates know that song :( It was, of course,
wildy received. Here is a picture of us performing before someone yelled FIRE! Assholes, we were just getting to the best part too. "So, until next time when Lt/Cochrane and I report from another fun filled, booze laden,
beach infested, diease ridden holiday spot, remember to keep your wick dry, your balls stacked and your bore cleaned".
Eat your heart out Rick Steves.
Ciao for now!
LAUGHTER FROM THE GALLOWS
A golfer
stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures
the wind direction and speed.
The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets.
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse.
I want to make this a perfect shot.""Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."
